then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
