did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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