I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
