dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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