I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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