y did u give ur computer a hand job?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
