found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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