so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
