There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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