did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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