really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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