She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
