Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
