I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
