Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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