im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
