I can tuck mytits in my pants
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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