Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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