She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
