I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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