I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize