Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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