If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize