So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize