Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
