Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
