i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
