So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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