When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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