i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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