farters have to be the big spoon...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
