He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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