I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
