I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
