not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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