she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
