He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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