they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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