I puked a lego.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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