God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
