I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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