My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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