had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
