i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
