my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am mentally ready for anal.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize