God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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