The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just google imaged poop.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
