Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
