I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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