yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
