those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
