wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
