My room smells like vodka and shame
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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