A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
