I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
