you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
