you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
