dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
