you traded sex for a burrito?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The air taste purple.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
