Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
