I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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