You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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