On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How external is "for external use only"?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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