you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
