Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
