I wannas sexs uuuuu
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
